Relational Dimension

We may laugh and be excited for a time, but due to the nature of human life, this feeling or mood cannot always dwell within us. Read more about happiness and the ‘art’ within this blog!

Relationships in the old world have always had an external focus - we try to make ourselves whole and happy by getting something from outside ourselves. Inevitably, objective or expectation results in disappointment, resentment, and frustration. We cling to relationships out of emotional insecurity or go from one to another searching for that missing piece that we have not yet found.

Just before Covid -19 pandemia impacted our life, ​​I remember Jesus Sanfiz Nou, a well-known psychologist based in Barcelona, saying:

“Elisabetta, why don’t you build a workshop or a training programme and teach how to recognise and manage ‘narcissism’? Today it is such an important topic. You have been surrounded and challenged by several narcissists in your life: in family of origin, marriage, and in the world of work and friendships too.

Let's start with what characterizes a narcissist. The recurring characteristics in a pathological narcissist are varied: feelings of emptiness, boredom, and emotional anesthesia. Narcissists are often portrayed as charming, confident and proud, convincing and excellent communicators. Just look at some of the leaders who rule our world today! Let's not forget that one of the most common characteristics of narcissism and its communication is… manipulation.

Given all the negative messages that most of us received about sex when we were young, it’s no surprise we rarely talk about sex in an overt setting. Unfortunately, a lack of informative sex education means most of us don’t even have access to relatively basic information. In our society, sex is still not fully accepted as a topic of conversation, at least not in its entirety. Being silent about sex keeps us ignorant though, so it’s vitally important that we begin to normalise talking about sex in our society, and this should start as early as school.

When we talk about the Cursed Triangle, our mind easily goes to the Bermuda Triangle in the Pacific Ocean. But there is another dangerous triangle constantly present in our lives - it involves our body, our words, our voice, our thoughts, and our emotions.

A mom-son relationship is deeply delicate. If it is going smooth, the boy can flourish under the care of his mom but when trouble seeps through both need to make the necessary effort to fill the gaps. With my decades of experience as a life coach and counsellor I have seen this pattern time and time again. In Understanding Mom And Son Relationships, I discussed the psychology behind his. Here, I dive deeper into the issues at play.

“Elisabetta, do you know something? All men are screwed up by their moms,” my mentor, a highly experienced clinical psychologist, recently told me. It’s a bold statement but not an uncommon one in the field of psychology.

John Whittington, a UK-based personal development coach, echoes this viewpoint: “The relationship a man has with his mother is the birth of his relationship with his life, his sex life and his leadership authority. Men are born of women and bond first with their mother. This is a powerful experience for mother and son and can overwhelm and entangle both.”

In this article, we will explore the influence that parents have on their children and how these impacts affect their children for the rest of their lives.

As an integrative coach, trauma counsellor and educator for the past 20 years, I have heard many female clients say, "Now I realise how much my father’s unpredictability and emotional distance shaped so much of my childhood, and has continued to shape me as an adult!"

And my male clients, "Now I realise how much my mum’s anxiety and overwhelming love shaped so much of my childhood, and has continued to shape me as an adult!"

I have also stated the same lines myself when processing my own story in therapy. My daughter also recently said to me, “Mum do you realise how we all get screwed up by our parents?”

I smiled first. Then I looked inward and began to think about how meaningful what she had said was.

I could not agree more with her.

In this article, we will overview and elaborate on the meaning of projections in relationships whether that’s parent and child, couples, colleagues or friendships. When we project, we are defending ourselves against unconscious impulses or traits, either positive or negative, that we’ve denied in ourselves, that we are blind about. Instead, we push them out, often under the shape of judgement or blame.

Learning to cope with fear during COVID-19 and beyond. Fear, shall we dance with it? Great question! What do you think? I personally believe that if we truly want to, we can. Like many of you, I'm sure, I struggled to adapt to this new way of living in 'lockdown' and I wanted to share some thoughts on how to cope with it. As ever your emotional well-being is crucial to your overall well-being and it is important that you do everything you can to protect it and nurture it.

Traditionally and typically, women exhibit and express qualities such as sensitivity, receptivity, emotions and intuition. For this reason, these qualities have become the representation or characteristic of 'female energy’.

Men have traditionally nurtured the ability to be assertive, strong, dominant, direct and unapologetic, which have become symbolic of 'male energy'. Over time, due to societal expectations and implications, men began to deny their intuitive side and emotional freedom, just as women repressed their ability to be firm, assertive and powerful….

To become authentic love, the early stages of romance require a fundamental condition beyond that strong sexual attraction: choice. To transform ‘erotic love’ or lust into a mature, authentic love, we’re required to choose to love from the centre of our being (be it the essence, spiritual self or soul, whatever resonates most with you). We must decide to see, sense, feel and connect with the other person through their own essence in a conscious and mindful movement. In that space, as Eric Fromm explains, we are all the same. And from this principle therefore, it doesn’t matter who we love because love should be a conscious commitment, an honest choice and a mindful action. I’d also add that authentic love begins as a desire and perseveres because of choice.

There are several common traits unifying empathic people, one of which is the commonly associated personality trait, empathy. Empathy is defined as a sign of emotional intelligence and emotional ability to understand other people’s feelings as if they were one’s own. Empathy is the act of putting ourselves in other people’s shoes and reaching our hearts out to others.

While the concept of narcissism dates back thousands of years, narcissistic personality disorder only became recognised as a mental illness within the last 2 decades. But how did narcissism come to be?

I believe we are living in a very exciting and powerful time. You may not agree with this of course, we’re different human beings with different backgrounds, experiences and different conditioning. We’re allowed to see things in different ways and no one would be bad or wrong for doing so.

Why do I think it’s an exciting and powerful time? I feel that on the deepest level of consciousness, a radical spiritual transformation is taking place in a universal scale. We’re all in some way being challenged to let go of our present way of living and create a new one in its place.

There was a time when married couples would stay together for life. Despite a lack of happiness in the relationship, often rooted in unhealthy co-dependency between two partners, marriage wasn’t easily dissolved. People would choose to stay ‘glued’ together in the name of a commitment they made many years before. Often because it was financially more comfortable. Other times because they lacked the courage to take a leap of faith and enter the unknown. And more times than not, because they were used to conforming to the expectations of a hypocritical society.

In this particular article, as I talk about mother-daughter relationships, I write addressing the group of women whose painful childhood relationships and experiences with their mothers have gone on to warp their adulthood in ways they may not recognise.

The importance of a father’s role in our lives is not as widely discussed and invites a lot of different conversations, so I’m going to continue unpacking it bit by bit, starting by focusing on the relationship between Fathers & Daughters.

Does a right man/woman exist?Is there a right or wrong friend/colleague/partner?Is there a right or wrong love?When do I know it’s the right time to take the risk of loving?Will this love make me happy again?

Types of unavailable fathers and how the father figure impacts who we become and the choices we make.

Through my own studies and life experience over the years, I came to realise that we can be compulsive and addicted to any kind of relationship, even one with a friend or colleague. The most detrimental reality is that often we don’t or can’t recognise it and can live a life going through toxic relationship cycles until we die.

Narcissism is rife in the media today and is being Googled more often than ever. People are waking up to various narcissistic characters in their lives and I’m hearing more conversations about “how to remove toxic people from your life”, perhaps because of the rise in self-development and self-care.

This blog aims to shed a light on the fact that it’s not age that decides when we are adults. It’s not financial independence or not needing to ask for any help. What decides when we’re adults, and my mum has said this countless times in her writing, is when we begin taking responsibility for our choices and start standing in ourselves.

What happens when we move passed the ‘honeymoon phase’ of a relationship, often during the first year of living together. 

Parents will often come and tell me that they feel as though they’d raised their second child the same as the first, but then ask, “so why are they so different from one another?”.

How do you know whether Coaching or Counselling is better suited for you? What are the myths surrounding the two that you need to know about?

98% of the Earth’s population is not self-actualised, according to Abraham Maslow. They therefore, act out from a space of unconditional or ‘inauthentic love’ for themselves and others. I believe that, no matter how much self-empowerment work I put myself through, becoming a self-actualised or authentic human being is a never ending process.

Nowadays, we use words such as wholeness and holistic very often. You hear about holistic coaching, holistic counselling, holistic medicine… but what does holistic actually mean? And what does it mean to become whole?